from raw reality to distant memory...

Stunned.
This is the only word I can currently come up with to explain what I feel. I am officially home after long hours and days of traveling and debriefing. I'm back in the place that is most familiar to me, and as I drive down the streets of Overland Park, I am baffled by how normal it all feels. And at the very same time, I am perplexed by the thought that less than a week ago, I was in another world, living a life that has now become a memory.
The weirdest thing is how fast life can move from raw reality to distant memory.
Yet I still strongly feel the weight of all of it...of everything I've seen, every person I've met, every need I couldn't possibly meet. It's overwhelming to try to share just what my heart feels knowing it has said goodbye to the people and experiences that have made me see the world, myself, and the Lord in a whole new way.
I have been reading one of John Piper's latest books called Spectacular Sins. It's an incredible book meant to help us wrestle with the issue of God's sovereignty over the things that are hardest for us to handle in this life: death, tragedy, despair, and all the sin that happens in a fallen world. I came across this passage that beautifully articulates the struggle and emotion that accompanies our journey following Christ. The words are a sweet comfort to my soul as I wrestle with all that I have learned and experienced in Namibia. Our lives as followers of Christ... sorrowful, yet always rejoicing. It MUST be this way, or we are living unaware of the reality of the world.

"...We believe and pursue the truth that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. But we also know that in this life, joy in God is never unmixed with sorrow. Never. Love won't allow that. Our banner bears the seal of 2 Corinthians 6:10 "sorrowful yet always rejoicing." We are pushing our way through a blood-spattered life that makes us feel connected to the world and disconnected at the same time. We are here but not here. Love binds us to the tragic earth, and love binds us to the Treasure of heaven. Christians are strange. Our emotions are inexplicable in ordinary terms. "Let those who [mourn] mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who [rejoice] rejoice as though they were not rejoicing." 1 Corinthians 7:30. That is our experience." -John Piper, Spectacular Sins, page 29

I am embracing that truth more than ever. That our experience here on earth is strange, connected to the world, getting dirty in the mess of life, yet beautifully disconnected, living for the ultimate reward of eternity with Jesus. And this is just the beginning...
...
I plan on keeping the blog up and will continue to share thoughts in the next couple weeks, and who knows...maybe longer! :) I plan on sharing with you piece by piece about the things I have learned and the impact it has had and will have on my life by answering different questions. We did this in our debrief, and it helped immensely to sum up some of my experiences. Questions such as "What were your top 3 moments?" "What was your lowest point?" "How will you approach life differently as a result of your life and ministry here?" I hope these questions will give you a picture of the way the Lord has worked over the last eight months.

Thanks for your love and support.

The final goodbyes...

Words cannot express how much I love my Rehoboth team... At our goodbye dinner, we kept the mood light! :) These precious friends have been such a source of encouragement and support.

Lavinia (from our high school Bible study)...One of my hardest goodbyes was with this sweet girl. I am so confident God is going to use her life in mighty ways.

This moment will be forever captured in my memory. As I waved goodbye out the window leaving school for the last time, this was what I saw.

Little by little...

How can I begin to sum up all that the last two weeks have entailed? It has been full as my ministry and life in Rehoboth, Namibia has been nearing its end. Little by little (mostly through pictures), I will try to share with you some of the incredible moments and experiences I have had.


We had a great trip north to Rundu (does that sound familiar?...it was where we were originally placed in Namibia!) to visit our friends Tricia and Nicole over Easter weekend. A wonderful time of fellowship and getting a taste of the ministry they have there, working with orphans and vulnerable children. These are some of the precious kids we met and got to spend the day with.


We joined our teammate Brittany to host a "women's night" for our high school girls' Bible study and the Bible study that Brittany leads at her church. It was an amazing night, complete with games, a movie, and delicious snacks. The best part, however, was the opportunity we had to share about purity. One of our friends from Rehoboth, Tracy, shared her personal testimony about how the Lord has transformed her life in this area and that was really powerful for our girls to hear.

We had to say goodbye to our girls the following Tuesday, which was really hard. They are the most lovable group of girls and have been such a joy to get to know.

Our last Tuesday together, we did Campus Crusade's Solarium cards with the girls. They loved it, and it was an amazing door for them to express things they typically are afriad to share in large group settings.

This past Tuesday, our team got together to go on "tour" with a program called Clown Worship. We began at my school (Kwakwas), and traveled to two other farm schools (a lot of driving!) to perform.

The Clown Worship program is one of the most creative ways I have ever seen to share the gospel, and the kids LOVED it. (Our team also had a blast if you can't tell!) It is also incredible because it involves NO spoken word, so the kids understand every last bit of it!

I had a great lunch with the teachers that I have worked with these past 8 months and come to love. So many goodbyes and lots of closure...but the Lord has blessed all of it.

I had to say goodbye to my kids on Wedensday, as it was my last day at school with them. It was really hard to say goodbye...I love them more than words can say. They really have captured my heart.

We are now in Windhoek, the capital, spending time with our team and saying our final goodbyes before we fly out on Sunday. You can be praying for us as we process, debrief with our team leaders, and say goodbye to this country that has become our home for the last eight months. God has been SO good to bless these last weeks. His hand has been over every minute of my time here, and I see His glory brightly through it all.
Thanks for praying. I have lots more pictures of other great moments from the past two weeks which I hope to post this weekend!

Much love,
Kristen

The long awaited day

With less than two weeks until I am on a plane home, I have HUGE anticipation of the reunions I will have…especially the first reunion I will have getting off the plane in Kansas City with my family. I just cannot wait to be home, in a place that is familiar to me, a place that I love because the people I love are there. There really is nothing like being home—there is just something about it that I think will make me always long for the comfort of it, even when I know that certain seasons of life call us to move on and I can’t always be there.

And as I have been feeling giddy with excitement about this upcoming homecoming, I have been thinking about why I have this love of home. More than all the reasons above, I think this love is meant to point me to Christ…to remind me of what I was made for. My real home. That my longing for my home on earth is to point me to what I long for most…the home I will have forever. And not because heaven will be easy or because it will be nice to be reunited with relatives, but because I was made to worship Jesus forever.

For these past eight months, I have known this day was coming and carried it around in the back of my mind to get me through the hardest days. Knowing that sooner or later, the day would come when I would return home, and have the comfort of all the home means.

And isn’t that what we’re called to do with this life here on earth? To carry around in the back of our minds the truth that this isn’t forever. That no matter how rough it gets, no matter how much of ourselves we give, no matter how tired and spent we feel, we have something much better to keep us going, the joy set before us. The same joy that motivated Jesus to endure the cross—perfect fellowship with God is what we have set before us. This joy needs to motivate me to keep going, keep pressing on to give myself away for the gospel, no matter how hard it feels in this life…because there is a perfect joy set before me. One I can be giddy with excitement about. One that is made that much more beautiful and complete when we have given our all while waiting for the long-awaited day…

I know my joy will be full in the airport on April 27…

but my joy will not be complete until the day that I see the face of my Jesus. The one who I will follow for life…who I long to recklessly pursue until I meet him face to face. It can motivate me to live the way we are called to live here on this earth...knowing that the best is coming later. And I need His strength to live like that—knowing that I can endure all things for the joy set before me. To be lost and consumed with my glorious King, Jesus, the one I have followed for life.

I love the way Charlie Hall articulates this thought in one of his songs...

"And finally the voice I have followed for LIFE has a glorious face that is lit up with light…”

That is going to be joy beyond compare. Let's live like it.

Praying for your heart to rejoice in the sweet truth that this world is not our home, no matter where we are or what our circumstances, we can look to Jesus with anticipation for that great day...

Love you all!

Kristen

so much going on!

Sorry I haven't been consistent on the blog lately... We have come to our last three weeks here, and things have seemed busier than ever! God has been so good in providing great opportunities for our team, as well as some good times of closure in the different ministries we have been involved with. Here is a picture recap of just some of the happenings of the past two weeks.

I took a day off school to join some of my teammates at the preschool in the poorest part of our town. I come ALIVE with these kids. We did a program called "clown worship" and I had a BLAST enjoying and loving on these precious guys (as well as making a fool of myself acting like a clown!)

This is Michael and I after he got his face painted to match mine! :)

We only have one more week left of our study with the high school girls from the hostel. We've started a new form of "discussion"- we use posters so they can write the answers and the girls have responded so well. It has been a JOY to see these girls pursue a greater knowledge of God.

Our study is called "My Heart, Christ's Home" and Mackenzie made the girls journals shaped like houses...they've been a great tool to use to encourage reflection.

At school, I have been having so much fun with my grade four kids. We did paper mache, and made our own Easter eggs. I've never seen kids so excited about balloons and newspaper before!

The finished products...painted Easter eggs. Happy Easter! Easter has provided great opportunities to share the gospel in class with these kids...even with the language barrier, some are starting to get it! Praise God.

I am beginning to recognize just how much of my heart will be left with these kids. God has been good to bless me with some of the sweetest times with them even in spite of how much of a challenge it has been.

-In other news, we have two new team members. Josh and Nikki have joined our team in Rehoboth, and Nikki has been praying about taking over our girls' Bible study at the high school. We are so excited that they are here, investing in the community, and also excited that our girls' group has the potential to continue on!
-Mackenzie, Catherine, and I are headed to Rundu for Easter weekend to visit our AIM friends Trisha and Nicole and to get a glimpse of what ministry is like in northern Namibia.
-You can begin pray for our goodbyes, for closure as we finish up ministry in Rehoboth, and for the travel we have ahead of us.
-We leave Rehoboth two weeks from tomorrow (on April 23), and fly out of Namibia on April 26.

I sincerely thank you for your prayers...I continue to be amazed at the faithfulness of the Lord as He shows up in ways I never could have expected or imagined. This is our God! He has done great things... and more than I could have ever asked or imagined. To Him be the glory. (Ephesians 3:20-21)
I am praying that He opens your eyes and mine to the greatness of His work, the perfection of His plan, and His great love for us as we celebrate Easter.

Love you all,
Kristen

experiencing joy in life HERE!

I wanted to post a few pictures so you can get a glimpse of life and ministry as from the past couple weeks.

We had "sports day" at Kwakwas this past Saturday. It was an all-day long event, but such a blast for the kids. It is amazing the things they get excited over. Here was one of the events...running through hoola hoops.

These were the trompopies girls (I honestly have no idea how to spell that), but it means "cheerleader." :) They did such a great job on their routine!

Just a typical day doing phonics with the fourth graders. They are such sweet kids.

Our team has had some great time together lately. Here are the girls last week at the dam that is just about 10 km outside of Rehoboth.

Our high school girls Bible study. We had an art and nail painting party on Tuesday...complete with chocolate chip cookies for a snack. They absolutely loved it and we had a blast. This coming Tuesday, we will start a new study with them, called My Heart, Christ's Home.

Thanks for being interested, and as always, for your love and support.
Love,
Kristen

Count me in.

Lately, I have been so aware of how little time I have left here in Rehoboth, Namibia. As a result, I have been thinking through all of the lessons I have learned through my time and experiences here…all of the ways I have been challenged, stretched, and grown by the Lord. My heart has been so moved with gratitude and amazement at what the Lord has done in me…the way He has been SO near, how I have experienced Him here in ways I have never experienced Him before, and all the ways in which he has expressed his love for me.

If you’ve been following my stories and thoughts on this blog at all, you know just as well as I do that this has been, at many times, a hard and difficult journey. Some of the hardest moments of my life so far have been had over the past six and a half months. And yet, when I reflect back on every single moment, I see the Lord’s hand over it all. I see the perfection of His plan, His Fatherly love in the ways in which He has chosen to refine me, I see His creativity and the wildness of this adventure He has called us to. I see Jesus written all over it.

And I wouldn’t trade that for ANYTHING. I wouldn’t trade that for an easy life. I would never exchange the difficulty, the pain, the tears for an easy story. Because I have known far greater joy than ever before as a RESULT of the hard journey. The joy of clinging to Jesus in the most difficult moments of your life, the joy of knowing that He is working it for your good, the joy of knowing that you will emerge more beautiful and like Christ as a result….that joy far exceeds the cost of any sacrifice you might make.

Compared to many, I haven’t made many sacrifices in my life. Compared to most, I haven’t had much hardship in my life. Here in Africa, I am more aware than ever that the Lord has spared me from so much. And somehow, it has made me even surer that whatever He sees fit to bring in my life, no matter what the trial or pain that results from following Him, I long to love Him and follow Him forever. The joy that results from HIS presence is worth it. Oh, my friends, it is so much BETTER than all the world.

I don’t know what lies ahead for the rest of my life…I don’t even know what lies ahead for me in the coming months. But I do know, for sure, that I have tasted the sweetness of following Jesus. I would be lying to say there haven’t been plenty of moments where I have felt like it was too hard to sign on for this kind of living for the rest of my life…moments when I longed for life to feel EASY. Moments when I thought that this was going to be the last time I tried to live “sold out."
And I know I will wrestle between those desires and the deepest desire of my heart for the rest of my life. But the Spirit of God has moved my heart to a place so that my deepest desire is for the joy that results in a life sold out to Christ. A life not content to make Jesus fit with my plans, but rather a life that is only content to fit itself around Jesus. To seek Him and go wherever, do whatever He calls me to, no matter what I have to give up. I am so confident that when I meet Jesus face to face, I will say, “I NEVER made a sacrifice. Anything I gave up for you, I receive back one hundred fold now, in the presence of my Savior.” But I will only be able to say that if I live it out…

What I have learned while I’ve been here has made me want to say to ALL of it, “COUNT ME IN.” I’m in. 100%. Wholeheartedly. Because I have tasted the joy of intimacy with Jesus that comes from trying to live this way. And because I know that right now I cannot possibly fathom the even greater reward that I will see one day… MY JESUS.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross…” Hebrews 12:1-2

Count me in. I’m amazed that you’ve even allowed me to taste it, Jesus. It’s a gift to be called and to follow, no matter what we must give up. There is no greater joy than following you, and more than ever before, I want to do it FOREVER.

Thanks for your continued prayers… Here are a few specifics:

-To finish WELL. That God would give our team the strength to finish all that He has for us here in Rehoboth before going home.

-For Lulu, on my team here, who is leaving next week because her grandfather is ill and her family needs her. That God would reveal Himself and be near to her and her family during this difficult time.

-For our last five weeks with the high school girls Bible study. We just completed our first study with them, and had a really great response. God is working on their hearts. Pray for wisdom as we continue meeting with them.

I love you all!

He does ALL things well.

Last week, five of the best teammates in the world and I traveled the 21+ hours on bus to Livingstone, Zambia, the location of the incredible Victoria Falls. At first sight of the falls, there was nothing I could do but just stand in awe and worship of the Creator. My heart was in AWE, and that is the perfect word to describe what I felt. There is a song by Chris Tomlin called "You Do All Things Well..." which echoed in my mind as I stood on a bridge, getting soaked by the mist from the falls. The God I love, the God I live for, the God I follow... He does ALL things well. From creating beauty and life to the way He sovereignly designs our lives...including the way He did this trip.

There is so much I could say about this trip....about the refreshment it provided, the opportunities God gave us through our time there, the people we met, and the ways that absolutely everything can and should point our hearts and attention on Christ. Instead, of a lengthy explanation of all of those things, though, I will simply leave you with a few pictures to enjoy.

My first view of the falls. He does ALL things well.

Free....Free Falling! I don't know that I've ever been so scared in my life! There is nothing like the feeling of free falling. This was called the "gorge swing" and all our teammates took the quite literal "leap of faith." Incredible.

Not quite the adrenaline rush of a free fall, but riding and feeding elephants was definitely fun!

The fellow travelers from my team, minus Trisha and Steve. We had an incredible time living in community together for a week. This is right after we had been SOAKED by the mist from the falls.

We stayed at a backpacker's lodge which was FULL of character. This was the "chill pit" where we spent our evenings meeting new friends, spending time with each other and in great conversation.

I have come back from this trip feeling so refreshed and excited about my last 6 1/2 weeks in Africa. I can't believe it is really that close to being over...and I know God still has more to do.
Thanks for your prayers, your love, and just for who you are! I am grateful for all of you.

More soon...
Love,
Kristen