The hard road and the good gifts along the way...

Since the beginning of my time here in Namibia, I have continued to be amazed at the way God delights to give good gifts to His children. There have been many hard days—days of feeling clueless, helpless, inadequate, days of missing home so much it hurts. Sometimes the hardest thing about those days is knowing that Christ has not called us to an easy road, or a comfortable life…He has called us to take up our cross and follow Him (a hard but not joyless road). Knowing that, because I follow Christ, hard is going to continue to define my life for the rest of my life is often difficult to swallow. Deep down inside of me, though, that’s what I want because looking to the JOY, the reward set before us, makes the “hard life” seem like no sacrifice at all. And that’s how it should be.

To live radically, following Christ at any cost to self, and to still be able to say at the end of it, “I never made a sacrifice,” because Christ and His presence is beyond worth it. We trade all that we have for all that is BETTER.

Knowing that hard is good, that God has my best interests at heart and is always working for my good means that any sense of entitlement I might have that things should be better must go out the window. Instead, the accurate response should be an awareness of my sin, and that I have earned NOTHING, I deserve NOTHING from the king of the universe.

And yet, even though that couldn’t be more true, the great king of the universe still delights to give good gifts to His children…to provide for their needs, to satisfy the desires of their hearts. He does all those things by giving us HIMSELF.

It’s an amazing thing to be aware of how much you don’t deserve it, and yet still receive His grace… His love without condition. God has been so, so good to me, and I am often most aware of this on the days that feel the hardest. Because even in the midst of it, God offers His presence to me in ways that I never would have expected.

Whether it be the beauty of the stars in a cloudless Namibian night sky, an encouraging e-mail from home, the smiles of the kids at school, a sweet conversation with one of the high schoolers, a good laugh with a best friend, a long run, a great song, fellowship with my team, or even just waking up with JOY, God has been giving me sweet gifts, even on the hard days. Especially on the hardest days. And I have never been more sure than I am now that the sweetest of all these gifts is the awareness of the PRESENCE of Jesus in all of these things.

When God opens my eyes to His goodness (and believe me, I am dependent on Him to even make me aware of it), there is nothing but gratitude no matter what is going on around me. Whatever He’s doing, I can rest in the truth that He is GOOD and longs to satisfy His children with the gift of Himself.

Thank you, Jesus, for BEING our reward, our hope, our help in times of need, our comforter, and the source of every good and perfect gift. May the good gifts of life, joy, comfort, hope, community, and creation ALWAYS, always point us to the Giver.

And for my faithful prayer supporters, here are some ways you can be praying:

-We are nearing the end of the school year here…pray that my last two weeks with the kids provide opportunities to teach them awesome truths about Christ that they can understand. Pray for the kids—that they would know and experience the love of Christ this Christmas, no matter what their life is like at home.

-The high schoolers that we have been spending time with will soon be going home for Christmas and summer holiday (its one in the same here!), so pray that the these last two weeks with them will be great time of continued relationship building and conversations about how Christ transforms our lives.

-For wisdom and creativity as we brainstorm how to best reach the high schoolers we have been building relationships with next term (we are thinking of starting a club, a discipleship group, etc.)

-Cathi and Alli (from our original U.S. team of six girls) leave for home on Sunday! We can’t believe their time here has already come to an end…pray for them, that God would give them peace to leave and a sense that He has used them here.

Thank you for your encouragement, your faithful prayers…they are one more way that I find myself absolutely blown away by the goodness of our God.

Much love,
Kristen

wanting what HE wants...

Some of you probably know that I just returned back home for my
brother's wedding for a quick 6 day whirlwind visit. What an amazing
time it was—not only to see my wonderful family and precious friends,
but to celebrate the sweet gift from the Lord that Matt and Shea's
marriage is. I could write a whole post about how proud I am of both
of them, how much I love them, and how excited I am for their life
together, but I'll save that for another day. :)
Leaving home (again) to come back to Namibia was much harder than I
could have ever expected. I was hoping that time on the plane and in
airports would bring more motivation and passion to return, and yet I
find myself back in Rehoboth safely but lacking the motivation I need
to be here.
I have found myself wondering exactly why I'm here, and even more why
I don't love the place that God has brought me. I want to love it
here. To be so fulfilled by my day to day life that I'm not
constantly longing for home.

I realize that part of the reason it is, and probably always will be,
so hard to leave home is that I have an unmatchable community there of
people I love and people who encourage me in my walk in the Lord. It
is so unique and so precious, and I am slowly learning never to take
it for granted. But these last few hard days of leaving once again,
and coming back to a place that still feels foreign to me, I have been
brought back to a sweet moment I had with the Lord before I left.
It was a moment that we can all relate to…one in which something you
have known for a very long time in your head suddenly becomes
understood in a new way by your heart—where you FEEL the truth of it,
and it becomes much more real.

The truth that became real in that moment was that following Jesus is
far better than all the world. Including God's sweet gifts of
community, friendship, family. That loving Him more than those things
is not a burden—it is a joy, and I must fight to find that joy at any
cost. And like Paul, I want to count everything as a loss (including
some of the best things in my life) compared to the surpassing
greatness of knowing Christ Jesus, for whose sake I have lost all
things. (Phil 3:8)

I don't feel the truth of that right now…I'm not where I want to be.
In all honesty, right now, I want to be home. And at the same time, I
want to be in that place in my spirit where I feel the truth that
following Jesus is far better than being home would be…to be in a
place where it is my delight and my joy to be here because THIS is
where He has called me, and He has a plan for me here.

One of the most important people in my life wrote these words to me
before I left in September:
"May the gospel go forth, may Jesus be known, may God be glorified,
may your joy be full, and may you count everything a loss compared to
the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord… May Namibia and
your life never be the same."

And still, even months later, these words bring tears to my eyes. Oh
how I long for these words to become reality. And even in spite of
all the sadness I feel in being away from the people I love, the
church that I love, the family that I love—I know that God is enough.
That He is the satisfier. And that my desire for the gospel to go
forth, for Jesus to be known, for God to be glorified, and for my life
never to be the same must outweigh my desire for comfort, for presence
of family and friends, for home. My desire for Christ must be greater
than my desire for His good gifts.

An amazing song by Charlie Hall has been an encouragement to my heart...
"I wish this thing could pass from me, but I'm wanting what you want. So bring me high, or bring me low, just hold me in your love..."

Will you pray for me—that God would remind my heart of the precious
truths that my mind is sure of? That He would allow me the privilege
of being used to advance His kingdom here in Rehoboth and that it
would be my joy because He is who I delight in.

And let's pray these words together—
Jesus-- may the gospel go forth, may You be known, may You be
glorified, may our joy be full, may we count everything as loss
compared to the surpassing worth of knowing YOU, and may our lives
NEVER be the same. No matter where we find ourselves—will you do these
things in us because THAT is what is best for us. THAT is what counts
for eternity.

So grateful for you all and the support that you give—more than you know.
Much love,
Kristen

Here are some pics of the most beautiful wedding I've ever been to...

Me and the beautiful bride...who is now officially my sister. :)

Still having fun...

Just in case you were worried, here are some pictures to show you that I am having FUN here...never a dull moment here in Namibia.

These are some girls from the Rehoboth High hostels one afternoon while we were spending time with them. They are amazingly talented at braiding hair, and they convinced Jaydon and Courtney to sit for them so they could braid theirs! (I have yet to be persuaded)

Some of the girls on our team had quite an African adventure...we rode standing up in the back of a pick-up to some farmland...I felt like I was in the Lion King. It was an absolute blast!

Never have I been so excited for ice cream in my whole life! We made a trip to Windhoek last weekend and had a mid-morning delicious treat!

This is not too uncommon to see... Cars stuck in the river. The river with no water, that is.

The road to Kwakwas is a bumpy one. This was our third flat tire in four weeks.

Miss you all, love you all, and praying that these posts find you living with joy and purpose in Christ,

Kristen

If only I can love while it lasts...

What do I have to offer here?

It’s a question I have asked myself many times over in the last several weeks… there have been many moments of feeling inadequate in the face of the needs that I am surrounded by. There has been fear of failure, as I see the many problems, hurting people, and un-loved children, and wonder if I can succeed even a little bit in being of any lasting help here.

In my mind, coming to Africa with the purpose of serving for eight months on the “mission field” has carried the idea that life should somehow be more intentional here…that I would suddenly be equipped with all these new ideas and even the right words to say as I am faced with so many new situations.

But the conclusion I’ve come to is that just because I have a specific 'ministry assignment' here doesn’t make the purpose of my life any different than it was back home, or anywhere else for that matter. It doesn’t mean that suddenly I know the secret to success in ministry either.

The purpose of my life is the same that it has been from the beginning of time…to glorify God, to worship Him for who He is, and to love Him at all costs so that I might display His beauty to a hungry world. Yes, this purpose remains the same. But something has changed in my heart here in Namibia: my attitude of intentionality in living out this purpose. Being out of my element, in a different culture, with my eyes wide open to the desperate need of this place to know Christ has allowed me to desire to be far more intentional in the way I live.

However, this change in my heart has also brought about a greater fear of failing… What if I try THIS hard, and still, no one comes to know Jesus? What if I try with all my might, and still, none of my students learn to read? What if I try SO hard, and still, none of the high school students I build relationships with care about getting to know Jesus anymore than they did when I began? And so on. These thoughts scare me…I don’t want to fail at this.

But this week, God has reminded me over again that more than anything I can do, I must learn to love in every situation. To love people in a way that points them to Jesus Christ, my hope, my strength, my life, and the source of my love. So even when I wonder if I will have the words to say, the knowledge to teach, the understanding to impart, I know that Christ in me has unending love to give. How I have been reminded in the face of my fear… “LOVE never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:8)

How sweet to know that each day cannot then be a failure, if only we can love while it lasts. Jim Elliot reminded me this week:

“I learned to recognize no ‘spiritual planes’ but simply to love, purely, in every group…So whether knowledge tends to swell me up, or the despair of the flesh would make me shrivel up, the love of Christ holds me together. Any little occasion then has meaning, if only I can love while it lasts.”

And so how can I love well in practical ways if that’s the one guarantee that I cannot fail? I have discovered that I must continually remind myself of what it means to love people: to point them to what will satisfy them, give them hope and life and joy… to point them to Christ.

So I ask myself the one question that never gets old: “How can I point to Christ here, in this situation, with this person, in this moment?” The answer will be different every time…it will take creativity, imagination, and intentionality.

I must live life this way no matter where I find myself, in every season of life—not just here on the mission field.

May our eyes be opened to the desperate need of people EVERYWHERE who don’t know the Savior. The need is there…we just need to see it, be broken for it, and long to give our lives away so that Jesus may be known.
I’m so encouraged to know that wherever life finds us, we are united in God’s great purpose for our lives. That no place is more ‘special’ than another—that the calling we have should always drive us to live intentionally, loving others by pointing them to Jesus Christ. That’s the only thing we can do in this life that will last.

Please pray this week that God would give us minds of creative imagination that can learn how to love and how to point to Christ in every situation…

Other ways you can be praying:

-For the group of high school girls that I have been getting to know from one of the high school in town. God has provided many opportunities for wonderful conversations…pray that He would work in the hearts of these young women and give them a hunger to know Him in their hearts.

-For the children at Kwakwas- that God would open up their hearts to an understanding of His love for them, and open up their minds with a desire to learn. (Many of them lack this desire in a a major way).

-For my relationships with the other teachers at Kwakwas- that we would be able to work together in the best interests of the children there.

Thanks for your faithful prayers...
Much love,
Kristen

Each one of them has a story...

I wanted to share some pictures of the kids at Kwakwas Primary School. God is growing in me an incredible love for these kids. There are hard and frustrating and seemingly fruitless days. But there are also days of amazing blessing, laughter, and joy. They are great kids. They also have a lot of struggles. I have been reminded this week that each of them has a story... that behind every behavior problem, learning disability, or disrespectful attitude is a child who needs LOVE...love from the only one who can never fail them...Jesus Christ. So even when I don't know how to handle some of the situations that come up, I do know that I can offer them the love that I have received from Christ.

This is me with most of the grade four class. They are absolutely wonderful kids who need so much love and support.

This is Dios working on a collage of the things he likes... Art and pictures help communication between us in incredible ways!

The boys LOVE to play soccer, and were so excited to receive new soccer balls, sent from a church in Idaho! They kept saying, "It's a beautiful ball. A beautiful ball!"

Please join me in praying for these kids...that above any other knowledge they may gain, that they would have an understanding in their hearts of their Savior's love for them.

All Who've Gone Before Me...

(incredibly slow internet has kept me from posting this until today... tried to post it on Saturday! sorry for the delay!)
.....
‘But when I think of all who’ve gone before me and lived the faithful life,
Their courage compels me…’

The lyrics above come from a song by Sara Groves called “When the Saints.” It has become one of my favorite songs, and since I have been here in Namibia, the words have been an incredible inspiration to me to be faithful and mindful of the purpose God has given His followers. The song speaks of feeling a heavy burden for pouring your life out for the gospel and for God’s glory, but feeling like most of the time it is more than you can carry.

The longer I have been here in Rehoboth and seen the need for the solid truth of the Gospel demonstrated in more ways than I could have ever imagined, the more inadequate and unequipped I have felt to accomplish anything lasting. I feel “new” at everything…teaching, the language, the culture, and even the sub-culture of the church-going community here. I feel like I don’t know where to begin, or how to make my contributions to the community somehow transferable so that when I leave, I don’t leave a hole unfilled that I formed myself. It does, at times, feel like a burden more than I can carry.

But the song goes on to remember so many of the faithful saints who have poured our their lives for Christ…who have looked to the reward set before them and endured persecution, trials, seasons of weariness, hardships, times that were seemingly fruitless, and even death because JESUS was worth it to them. It has grown within me an understanding and confident belief that giving your life away for the sake of the Gospel is more beautiful than anything else we could ever do with our lives. As I look to those who have gone before me, I am inspired to work harder than ever to pour my life out for the sake of the Gospel…to pour my life out for others as I attempt to love them with Christ’s love and share hope and truth from the Word of God.

I have been reading the biography of Jim Elliot, Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot. He is no-doubt a saint who has gone before us and lived a FAITHFUL life. I am blown away by this man’s faithfulness to Christ and his desire to live completely and totally sold out to His Savior. The excerpts from his journals and letters communicate such a deep love and dedication to the Lord that has left me wanting to be BETTER. To love Christ with a deeper love. To know and understand His Word more. To pray for many to come to know Christ at any cost to myself.

A quote from one of his journals has challenged me in a huge way this week:
“Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road; make me a fork, that men must turn one way or another upon facing Christ in me.”
His desire that Christ in him radiated a light so strong that people must make a decision on what they believe about who Jesus is—it inspires me to work harder to know Jesus more and share him with others at every possible opportunity- in every word I speak, how I walk, how I talk, how I act, how I love…HOW I LIVE.

And so I am encouraged that even though there will be trials, times of weariness, and seemingly fruitless times, I recognize it as well worth it, knowing that it is for the glory of God in my life and in the lives of others.
“In this, you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory, at the revelation of Jesus Christ”.
1 Peter 1:6-7

I know in this post I have not shared an exciting story or a list of happenings…but I pray that in sharing what God has been teaching me, you have been encouraged along with me that giving our lives away for the gospel is the most satisfying way we can live on this earth. My gratitude for your prayers continues to grow. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love through prayer.

Prayer Specifics:
-That God will provide opportunities for conversations and opportunities to share truth clearly and boldly, with confidence and that through it all, love would shown to each person.
-Pray for my creativity and ideas as I work hard to teach the kids at Kwakwas (the farm school), and for opportunities to share truth in ways they can understand in spite of the language barrier. That they would see truth in the way that I love them.
-One of the high schools in town has many students who live at school in a hostel. They have a rigid schedule, which means that they even have the same ‘hang out time’ every evening on the sports field. Mackenzie and I plan on making regular visits during this time to get to know the students there…pray that we would build relationships quickly and share Christ with many.

And let me appropriately close this post like the song ends… :)
“And when the saints go marching in, I want to be one of them.”

God, give us the great privilege of pouring our lives out for your glory. Give us the strength that MUST come from you in order to do so. Thank you for your grace and goodness in the lives of the many who have gone before us and lived a life faithful to you until the end…thank you for their example and inspiration in my life. I want my life…and the lives of these precious friends and family who are reading…to count for your glory, Jesus.
Amen.

Getting to know my team...

Here are a few more pics of the team members... What an encouragement to be here in community!

This is the rest of our AIM Rehoboth team. From back left Paul and Ruth Rowell, Mackenzie, Me, Catherine, Jaydon Rowell

Bottom left: Cathi, Steph, Heidi, and Courtney Rowell

Missing from the picture: Amanda, Molly Bea, and Alli

Here is the small team on our first day in Rehoboth. What an appropriate picture!